Looking back when I received my ever first love letter, mind you it was given to me by one of my teachers, surprisingly opened the door without knocking, in the middle of a lecture, asking if I am in the class, flushed as I may seemed, and naively knew nothing about what’s happening that time, not knowing that it will also be my ever first heartbreak.
Sophomore year – hormone-raging, going out after class, holding hands and kiss in between breaks, nothing more special when you first experience all of these. Thinking how it all started, makes me remember all the bittersweet remnants of my ever first relationship.
Being loud and outgoing, as I attended a private school, I was familiar with every faces in my year. High school was pretty extraordinary experience for me. Until one day, it was the day before my summer break, someone asked me, through a written note, what my phone number was. My guy friends, being overly protective over me, was the one who gave a reply to the note, saying that I lost my phone and he can’t get my number. I thought that it will be my last encounter with the anonymous guy but I was wrong.
It was the day of finishing all of my requirements and signing of clearance, which was tiring because of the hide-and-seek that all the teachers had mastered playing, then I bumped onto him, not knowing that he was the one who sent me the note.
At first, I was hesitant to talk to him because I had an impression of him, not because I was interested but my classmates went all crazy, having crush on him. He’s one year ahead of me (so he’s in his junior year) and was kinda popular because he was part of the varsity team. I heard rumors about him being a chic-magnet, and kinda jerk. But, he kept on asking what’s my name and even told me that the first time he laid his eyes on me was when he watched our performance on our recognition day (that was the day before summer break). Aware of his tactics as my friends warned me about him, all the chitchats and stories made-up, he continued with all the sweetened words and the eagerness to get my number that time, still I didn’t gave him the pleasure of having my number.
Summer came, and I received an unknown text, wondering who might it be. I replied, asking who he/she was and where he/she got my number. After a long thread of avoiding my who’s and how’s and
fooling playing around, he introduced himself. I had a feeling that it was him and I was right but curious on how he got my number. Since then, he started texting every now and then, sending morning texts, calling me at times, asking how my day was and asking some personal questions that I intended not to answer in the open. He put up a great interest on me the whole summer that all the thoughts of him being an ass, a jerk, a chic-magnet suddenly vanished away. I am not sure how or when I find him comfortable to talk to with, and all of a sudden, here I am, fond of him and letting myself latch on every words that he’s telling me, capturing my naive and fragile heart. That was the time I felt that I was pretty, that I also have it on myself, that I can be someone’s girlfriend, that I can be more than a normal girl living with her fictional crushes and sealed-up fantasies.
So, the classes resumed and I was feeling nervous, not because I was in my third year, but the idea of seeing him in the corridors. My heart’s thumping louder, beating faster than usual, thinking how will I act in front of him face to face. Until in the middle of June, it was our recess, I went to the canteen to buy something to eat and when I came back to my room, there he was standing at the front door, waiting for me. I was kinda embarrased that time, saw my mates looking at us, without knowing that something’s happening. They were not aware that we were texting each other the whole summer and I was shock when he asked me, right in that moment, standing at the front door, if I can be his girlfriend. And unconsciously, I said yes.
I know that it was the pressure that pushed me to say yes to him but at some point, I was already attracted to him. That time, I have no idea of how relationship works but I tried to be someone’s girlfriend. All I felt in those first few weeks was pure happiness, that’s because it was my first. I grew more of him, one month has passed, and still it was okay. It was hard for me to go on dates that time because I was not allowed to have a boyfriend. He knew that, so we kept our relationship in secret. And with that, I knew it was wrong all along.
I knew that my decision of saying yes to him bothered me at first but I put it at the back of my mind and not considering all the what ifs and what’s gonna happen. Maybe another reason was the pressure I felt when he asked me that time. I don’t know what to do and the idea of him being rejected in front of my mates also concerned me. And that’s why I knew I put myself in my own misery, my ever first heartbreak. I knew all along that I was not ready for it but still situated myself on a very hard situation, adding all the lies I kept from home. I knew that it will not stay longer. I oversee it. I put aside all the warnings and all the signs that led to a wrong spot.
I was cheated on.
He cheated on me. With a lower year. A Sophomore.
I was wrecked. Devastated. It crushed me into pieces. My ever first heartbreak.
Funny thing was, the girl who caught the attention of my exboyfriend, was an acquaintance of mine. I talked to her over chat at times. I remembered her asking how my relationship was going and I, not knowing that she’s seeing my ex-boyfriend secretly behind my back, replied that it was okay. I caught him talking to her sometimes but the idea’s not coming to me. Obliviously thought that they were just friends. And that’s why I broke up with him.
Our relationship lasted for two months and twenty-two days – my ever first heartbreak. The letters and notes that I got from him were still with me, a reminder of how my heart was shattered into pieces and my bittersweet connection with him. I never regret it because it has opened my mind to think of every decision that I will make in the future – life-wise or relationship-wise.
Ha! The book Why We Broke Up is to blame for this long post of gushing words of reminiscing. I just remembered collecting letters and notes. I always love reading written notes and because we are now in the era where we can send messages over texts and videos, letters will always be precious to me.
Do you have any break-up stories to share? Let me know and have a little chitchat about it. Hahahaha. 😀