the sunday currently | 12 // back to journals and green tea + I have something to share with you

the truth is (1) I am back to journalling since last month. I decided to write again in my notebook because there are certain things that even if I wanted to share it here, guess it is better for me not to. I know this space is for my unfiltered thoughts but sometimes my brain is acting up like a B and betray me with thoughts that I shouldn’t have in the first place. so far, I am enjoying it and it helps me a lot to de-clutter my not-so chaotic mind. ha! and (2) I am choosing tea over coffee right now. I think coffee makes me more sleepless at night and makes me feel bloated (I don’t know if that is the reason why) so the boyfriend bought 2 boxes of green tea and 2 bags of chamomile (which I love, it helps me sleep better) and mint tea (for him).

so here’s the thing: my aunt owns a cat and her cat gave birth to two adorable kittens earlier in the morning, one is black with a spot of white and the other one is pure white. my aunt informed me thru text and jokingly said that I am now a godmother to her kittens. I know she wanted to give me a kitten, knowing that I loss my mimichi. but I have a feeling that I should not take it. ugh. what should I do? what should I do? the kitten is so cute and I think the father cat has a breed so for sure the kittens will grow into a beautiful cat. deep inside I want it but my mind says no I should not.

CURRENTLY

Reading some blogs and I am reading All Our Wrong Todays by Elan Mastai on my phone, sort of a warm-up because I think I am on a reading slump for months now. I am trying to re-read some of my favorite novels but when I am starting to read it, I lost interest after a few pages and I don’t know why. I hate that feeling. I used to finish a book in two days but now I am having a hard time finishing a chapter. W H AT I S W R O N G W I T H M E ? ? I have so many unfinished book, left it halfway and pile it up back to the shelf together with dust but still I hope I can finish All Our Wrong Todays so that I can catch up with my TBR list.

Writing this sunday currently entry. :—)

Listening 

Thinking about how time flies so fast. I T I S N O V E M B E R now!!! I already feeling the christmas air and vibe. ugh, 2017 is going to end but still, the plot twist that I have been waiting for is not yet happening. but even though 2017 has been a rollercoaster ride, I am so much thankful for what’s given to me–life-wise: expectations and failures and experience and learnings.

Hoping that everything will be all right—that my sister will be much mature and more serious about life and relationship, that she learned her lessons and be more responsible for her own decisions and that Qatar will treat her much better than she deserves. though sometimes we have some misunderstandings but I hope she don’t take it to her heart because all I want for her is to be happy and I don’t want her to be trapped in a dark room, blaming herself and full of self-hatred. I know the feeling and I don’t want her to feel that too. I know that she’s much stronger person than me, I know that she can do it.

Wearing a cute pink panda pajama shorts. 😀

Loving my boyfriend. Hahaha because he’s being extra sweet these past few days. I don’t know what raw food he ate but I really like this side of him.

Wanting to buy a camera. really. calling the attention of the parentals!!!!! 

Needing a lot of washi tapes and stationery stuff for my notebook. the good boyfriend bought me a new notebook and a ball point pen with six colors. I really really love it!!!!!! ❤

Feeling contented and happy. 😀

Clicking nothing.

join the sunday currently link-up by siddathornton

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sunday is my favorite day of the week but two baskets of laundry is waiting for me. so, I think my sunday is a little bit productive, eh? hope y’all have a great and productive sunday too!

♡ A

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I really really have a soft spot for cats & dogs but I think I should not have a pet. here’s why:

cats and dogs are like babies to me. they are like fur balls that wash away all the stress I have everyday and I am so thankful for their existence. I really have a soft spot for them that I think I am not good at taking good care of them. I get so emotional when they get sick, I get so emotional when they really like the food I give to them, and I get so emotional when I lost them. it hurts me as bad as, or much more rather, than a relationship break-up. I hate feeling that way. and as much as I want to take home all the stray cats on the street and feed them, I know I can’t.

today I woke up to a sad news. after a long day of finding my kitten yesterday, I found her this morning, cold and lifeless. my heart crushed into pieces and just cried in my room. I’ve been crying since the day I lost her. my poor mimi. </3 gosh, tears are coming out, again. I am so mad, so mad, that people are so cruel. I keep saying to myself that it is much better if someone found her and feed her that everything’s going to be okay because my mimi is so sweet and adorable and people will really like her. but this morning, I feel like I am wronged. I hate it. I really hate my neighborhood. this is not the first time. I also had a kitten before, but our neighbor found it but never returned it to me and you know what they did? they gave my kitten to the kids playing around their area and they know that I was looking for a kitten but they gave it to the kids anyway. I AM SO MAD. cats and dogs have feelings too.

I think I am not going to have a cat for a long time from now on. I hate myself. I’m a bad mother. I really really love cats but I think I am not ready to have one right now. I am emotionally not ready.

 

last night

I wasn’t feeling okay.

it was 10 p.m. when we went to bed. I was still okay that time but few minutes later, when he was about to turn off the lights, I don’t know what triggered it, but suddenly I found myself crying. he asked me what’s wrong but I, myself, didn’t know what’s wrong with me. I felt like choking with words that I should, at least, utter to him like some sort of explanation but tears drowned me instead. and we were suddenly quiet.

I don’t know what he was thinking and the silence was deafening. maybe he’s feeling uncomfortable again, like the last time. but seriously, I can’t find the reason why I was like that. then he talked. I was right. he asked me if I hate him, if I don’t love him anymore with a tone as if he done something wrong. then I cried harder. he just enveloped me with his arms, there’s another silence but that time I find it comfortable.

here I am again, overthinking over things I should not think of in the first place but I just can’t shoo them away. I am so selfish. I am so mean. I am so unfair. maybe sooner rather than later, he’ll get tired of me. he’ll get tired of me. he’ll get tired of me. he’ll get tired of me. I hope he’ll not get tired of me.

the sunday currently | 11

yay for sundays! I skipped four sundays because I don’t know why(?) lol. but seriously I feel so unproductive, or is it just me being lazy? whatever. but I missed writing TSC as if it is the only thing that makes me think of something and feel a little bit active, but not really. ugh what nonsense do I babble now?

but I must say that coffee really makes my day though I prefer Nescafe’s cappuccino than white espresso but nonetheless it was pretty good morning. as I was craving for rice cake since yesterday, the boyfriend is running late for work because of my rice cake. I feel like he’s blaming me for being late, again. *sigh* I need to sit through this good mood for me to have a really good day so I didn’t mind him pouting on me. so;

CURRENTLY

Reading tweets. my timeline is not that toxic than before, I am glad. gosh have you seen Julia Barretto’s tweet — she made a special video for Joshua Garcia’s 20th birthday. ohhh my heart ♡ I am not a fan of JoshLia but I really feel the love. hahahaha

Listening to taylor swift singing vance joy’s riptide in bbc radio 1 live lounge — I really love the song.

Thinking of how sensitive I was in the past few months. I am okay but sometimes I feel like I really don’t want to face people or just even talk to them. my boyfriend noticed it and just kept quiet maybe because he knew that I was not in the mood. I get irritated for nothing and I hate that feeling. ugh!!

Hoping that something good will happen today. something good will happen today. something good will happen today. something good will happen today. something good will happen today. something good will happen today. something good will happen today.

Wearing black sando and maong short.

Loving the Christmas-y vibe. time flies so fast I can feel the cold “ber” wind already. it’s more better if they start selling bibingka and puto bumbong with pandan tea. *yum*

Wanting to buy new books and get myself back to reading. I also want to learn how to play DOTA so that I would know why the boyfriend is so addicted to it. worst is,  sometimes he’s playing until 5 a.m. like what the hell are you doing? why play when you can sleep? then he’ll reason out: minsan lang naman ako maglaro eh. — whatever.

Needing nothing. oh, no, I need some $$$. lol

Feeling good right now. seriously, I need to be like this the whole day. pls pls pls self, ok?

Clicking nothing. 🙂

hope y’all have a great sunday!!! 😀

join the sunday currently link-up by siddathornton

♡ A

sleep, pls come to me

Sleep—the only thing that I craved for these past few days and I don’t even know why I am having a hard time sleeping when I have nothing in my head. Sure that’s a good thing: having nothing to think of, but even though that’s the case, I just can’t have a good night sleep.

It‘s already 11:44 p.m., I am typing this while my boyfriend is sleeping like a baby beside me, and I am feeling envious on how he can sleep in a short span of time while I already counted from 1 to 100 in my head and pondered on things that I don’t usually think of, still I am far being sleepy.

Okay, I don’t know where this entry will go, but let me share with you guys how my day went.

So I slept in my boyfriend’s place yesterday because today was his day-off and the plan was to do the laundry. Yes, he did the laundry. Lol. The thing is, I really hate doing the laundry, even washing the dishes because it always make my hands so dry and itchy. It was very convenient when we do our laundry in their house because they have a dryer. So while waiting for him to finish, I download another k-drama series and a movie, Love Rain and You are my Pet (if you are familiar), and read some blogs too.

It was 6pm when we decided to go home, but first we headed to a gift shop to buy a gift for his inaanak. And luckily, there’s a new Daiso Japan store so we checked it out first. AND TODAY IS MY DAY. I found a very cute notebook and cute stationeries, and the good boyfriend bought it for me. Hahaha! After 173538272 years, I have a new notebook. Then, we had cheeseburger and fries from McDo for dinner and went home.

Days are always like this for me—monotonous and ordinary. Nothing much happened to me lately. Aside from having a hard time sleeping, I am so fine being bored and not being sad or depressed, which is good news ofc.

Time check: 12:28 a.m., and my eyes started to feel heavy, and I am feeling it already. Time to hit the sack. Good night.

♡ A

mood

type type type enter backspace backspace backspace letting my fingers form the words that my brain cannot construct but still nothing came out backspace backspace backspace and i start again; start and i think of the right words to use, to write—this unfathomable feelings i am trying to suppress but still backspace backspace backspace until i no longer able to write type type type i don’t know what nonsense words i typed but still i type; typing all these words, thinking if i let my fingers type, it will create something—something that can define what i really really feel right now backspace backspace backspace until all the word that i typed was gone backspace backspace backspace and i am done.

my song(s) of the week

I always have this one song or playlist that I want to listen to in my entire week, like I got LSS to it or became my new favorite. That song might become my favorite for a whole week or month, I don’t know, then suddenly I will stop listening to it for a long time. But one thing’s for sure, it will be the only song that I will listen non-stop until I get tired of it for an entire week.

I am not really updated on TOP 100 billboard and anything related to music, but the songs that I listened to are usually from my boyfie’s phone or my sister’s. And some of it I knew because I just heard it from the radio or from a noontime show. In fact, I don’t update my Apple music anymore, thus I downloaded an app called Share It so I can just ask someone to send me files or music through it.

Here’s (4) songs that I’ve been listening to this week:

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