the truth is (1) I am back to journalling since last month. I decided to write again in my notebook because there are certain things that even if I wanted to share it here, guess it is better for me not to. I know this space is for my unfiltered thoughts but sometimes my brain is acting up like a B and betray me with thoughts that I shouldn’t have in the first place. so far, I am enjoying it and it helps me a lot to de-clutter my not-so chaotic mind. ha! and (2) I am choosing tea over coffee right now. I think coffee makes me more sleepless at night and makes me feel bloated (I don’t know if that is the reason why) so the boyfriend bought 2 boxes of green tea and 2 bags of chamomile (which I love, it helps me sleep better) and mint tea (for him).Read More »
cats and dogs are like babies to me. they are like fur balls that wash away all the stress I have everyday and I am so thankful for their existence. I really have a soft spot for them that I think I am not good at taking good care of them. I get so emotional when they get sick, I get so emotional when they really like the food I give to them, and I get so emotional when I lost them. it hurts me as bad as, or much more rather, than a relationship break-up. I hate feeling that way. and as much as I want to take home all the stray cats on the street and feed them, I know I can’t.
today I woke up to a sad news. after a long day of finding my kitten yesterday, I found her this morning, cold and lifeless. my heart crushed into pieces and just cried in my room. I’ve been crying since the day I lost her. my poor mimi. </3 gosh, tears are coming out, again. I am so mad, so mad, that people are so cruel. I keep saying to myself that it is much better if someone found her and feed her that everything’s going to be okay because my mimi is so sweet and adorable and people will really like her. but this morning, I feel like I am wronged. I hate it. I really hate my neighborhood. this is not the first time. I also had a kitten before, but our neighbor found it but never returned it to me and you know what they did? they gave my kitten to the kids playing around their area and they know that I was looking for a kitten but they gave it to the kids anyway. I AM SO MAD. cats and dogs have feelings too.
I think I am not going to have a cat for a long time from now on. I hate myself. I’m a bad mother. I really really love cats but I think I am not ready to have one right now. I am emotionally not ready.