I think I became another person since I moved here in Pampanga. I don’t know how or when, but it feels like I am living inside another human being that is totally opposite of myself when I was still in Manila. I never go out of the house, mingle with other people or even just attempt to talk with the neighbors—I am not like that before. it was like I built another wall between myself and the outside world, for what? to get away from the people, to mouthfuls of issues and rumors I can’t get hold to anymore or I just want to be with myself—simple as that.
I got used to the feeling of being alone. it feels good to be alone and not to think of others but my brain is contradicting me, betraying me with thoughts I should not welcome. I keep on saying that I should ignore all of it and just live with it but still, it affects me in so many ways. but
I miss having friends. I miss talking to another person face to face. I miss having to catch up with a friend and talk for hours until we ran out of stories to tell. I miss going out with friends—movie nights and food trips. I miss the feeling of comfortable silence and just begin to laugh about nothing. I miss the way we laugh over a corny jokes. I miss everything I have back when I was still in Manila.
but things are different now.