things I miss but

I think I became another person since I moved here in Pampanga. I don’t know how or when, but it feels like I am living inside another human being that is totally opposite of myself when I was still in Manila. I never go out of the house, mingle with other people or even just attempt to talk with the neighbors—I am not like that before. it was like I built another wall between myself and the outside world, for what? to get away from the people, to mouthfuls of issues and rumors I can’t get hold to anymore or I just want to be with myself—simple as that.

I got used to the feeling of being alone. it feels good to be alone and not to think of others but my brain is contradicting me, betraying me with thoughts I should not welcome. I keep on saying that I should ignore all of it and just live with it but still, it affects me in so many ways. but

I miss having friends. I miss talking to another person face to face. I miss having to catch up with a friend and talk for hours until we ran out of stories to tell. I miss going out with friends—movie nights and food trips. I miss the feeling of comfortable silence and just begin to laugh about nothing. I miss the way we laugh over a corny jokes. I miss everything I have back when I was still in Manila.

but things are different now.


i have a feeling

that things are going well right now. aside from not having episodes of being sad for nothing and well, thinking that all the odds are against me, but something good happened last night and i didn’t expect it.

you’ll never have a chance to meet a person who will never ever judge you, even though you made the worst thing in the world. you’ll never have a chance to meet a person who will make you realize your mistakes and not blame you for doing that, thus he will makes fun of you because of the mistake you’ve done. you’ll never have a chance to meet a person who knows you more than anyone else, a person who can distinguish your true emotions behind your laugh, or even when you don’t say a word, they already know what you want to say. you’ll never have a chance to meet a person who can ride with your jokes and silly games and at the same time, talks about serious matter about life and other things. you’ll never have a chance to meet a person who will hang out with you all day and buys you a tub of ice cream when you need it. and if you already found a person like this, treasure him/her because they are one of a kind.

well, i have this friend. i considered him as a best friend back in high school and we lost in touch because some things happened. for two years we didn’t talk, we said things to each other out of anger and disappointment, and at the same time, he moved out of the country with his family, that’s why we never had a chance to talk about what happened and get things right and i thought i will never be able to talk to him again.

i am shookt lol. literally shocked, that’s my initial reaction. i really didn’t know what or how to reply. imagine after not talking for two years as in no message or even hi or hello and all of the things we said to each other, it took minutes for me before i realized that he really messaged me, saying that he missed me. and the craziest, awkward part is i  just replied “uyyyyyyyyyyy” with a crying emoticon pa! gaaad.

i won’t talk about the rest of our conversation, but i am really really really happy that we are okay now and he actually said sorry for not talking to me for two damn years. hahaha. i understand him on the part of not talking to me because i know i somehow i hurt him, even though it was not really my intention.

i really value friendship over everything that’s why i felt sad and guilty of what happened between us. i have few real friends that are really for keeps and i am so lucky to have them in my life. ❤


the smaller circle, the better

They say that change is the only constant thing in the world, that not everything will stay as it is, same as people as they come and go. I never came to this realization not until I entered college. That time, I thought I knew who were my true, real friends (or maybe I am still in the process of knowing who’s real or not).

I am a people-person back when I was in high school, like I knew every faces in my year (and higher year). It was not like I was famous lol but it was not really so hard to know all of them because I am enrolled in a private school since grade school until I graduated high school, and we had only 3 to 4 sections with maximum of 35 students per class, that’s why. Because of that, I know most of them and became my friends. I really thought that all my friends that time will remain my friends until now, but obviously that’s not the case.

Not until I entered college, most of the people I know (and considered as my friends) lost in touch little by little. I know that it’s normal, that eventually we we’ll meet new people at some point, but you see, I am very sentimental and I valued friendship over everything.

Right now, I am happy with my friends even if it is just a small circle. Even if we don’t see each other that often and just only talk over chat, we know in ourselves that we have each other’s back when someone needed it and I think that’s what’s important. I won’t be needing a bunch of people who are not sincere and true and prefer a few who’s been always on my side and keeping it real.

You see, I made this post because a friend from Manila went to visit me here in Pampanga — three-hour drive. And I was super happy because after 5 LOOOOONG years we got to see each other again. She’s staying here until Sunday and it’s her 2nd day today. I know there’s more stories to tell and fun things to do yet.

Let me share to you guys some of the things that we did (more of selfies) since her arrival. HAHAHA!!!


  • we cooked and we didn’t know what we’re doing. We tried to make a pancake but we don’t know how to flip it right. XD
  • make-up session with my sister (and a mini photoshoot)
  • more chika and catching up
  • watched Ji Chang Wook’s Fabricated City and Healer (we are now on episode 5)
  • We are planning to go to a small waterfall here and to capture more pictures!!! 😀
  • And go swimming before she go hiking in Tarlac.

Okay, consider this as a appreciation post for her. ❤ ❤