sleep, pls come to me

Sleep—the only thing that I craved for these past few days and I don’t even know why I am having a hard time sleeping when I have nothing in my head. Sure that’s a good thing: having nothing to think of, but even though that’s the case, I just can’t have a good night sleep.

It‘s already 11:44 p.m., I am typing this while my boyfriend is sleeping like a baby beside me, and I am feeling envious on how he can sleep in a short span of time while I already counted from 1 to 100 in my head and pondered on things that I don’t usually think of, still I am far being sleepy.

Okay, I don’t know where this entry will go, but let me share with you guys how my day went.

So I slept in my boyfriend’s place yesterday because today was his day-off and the plan was to do the laundry. Yes, he did the laundry. Lol. The thing is, I really hate doing the laundry, even washing the dishes because it always make my hands so dry and itchy. It was very convenient when we do our laundry in their house because they have a dryer. So while waiting for him to finish, I download another k-drama series and a movie, Love Rain and You are my Pet (if you are familiar), and read some blogs too.

It was 6pm when we decided to go home, but first we headed to a gift shop to buy a gift for his inaanak. And luckily, there’s a new Daiso Japan store so we checked it out first. AND TODAY IS MY DAY. I found a very cute notebook and cute stationeries, and the good boyfriend bought it for me. Hahaha! After 173538272 years, I have a new notebook. Then, we had cheeseburger and fries from McDo for dinner and went home.

Days are always like this for me—monotonous and ordinary. Nothing much happened to me lately. Aside from having a hard time sleeping, I am so fine being bored and not being sad or depressed, which is good news ofc.

Time check: 12:28 a.m., and my eyes started to feel heavy, and I am feeling it already. Time to hit the sack. Good night.

♡ A

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What annoys me the most?

I was too busy on being annoyed and hot-headed and frustrated on everything out of I-don’t-know months back, but one thing’s for sure: I am so familiar with the word annoyance that I think I became the epitome of it. Lol, kidding aside. The list of the things that annoy me flows rapidly in my head when I start thinking about it. So for this entry, I will write about the things that annoy me the most and how I deal with it. (Okay, I am feeling productive right now. Hahaha!)

  • I don’t like others touching and/or using my things, especially if it’s my favorite one, without asking me first. I can give you some of my things but you should ask me first.
  • I don’t like repeating myself over and over again. Like, when somebody ask me then I already gave my answer then you will ask me again the same question. It’s irritating. Another example is when my mother ask me to say a word to my sister, about being pasaway and that. For me, once is enough. napagsabihan na kita, nagawa ko na part ko and if di mo ko pinakinggan, problema mo na ‘yon. Simple as that.
  • When it comes to my books, I think I already wrote an entry about it here.
  • They always say that I have no romantic bone because I easily get irritated if you started being clingy on me. I don’t even like grand gestures or big surprises. (still I appreciate it. But as much as possible I don’t like that much attention) It really annoys me. But I am trying to change this attitude because obviously it’s one of the reasons why me and the boyf always fight. #Fact: we always have petty fights over little things. Okay, I think I know what I should write next. Bwahahaha!
  • MY BOYFRIEND. LOL. Seriously, he annoys the hell out of me. Okay, I understand that he needs lambing too, but too much is not healthy. Di ba nga masama yung sobrang tamis sa katawan, baka magka-Diabetes. Lol corny. I am trying not to be dependent and overly attached on him, you know, mahirap pag nakasanayan na.
  • I can’t handle kids being makulit and yung maingay talaga. Nakakarindi. I prefer infants, kasi laging tulog.
  • I don’t like when people step on my feet. Be it intentional or not.
  • Making comparisons about me and another individual.
  • When someone makes a prank on me. Pero I love the feeling when I am the one who’s doing the pranks. #Fact: epal talaga ako. 😂

Okay, I’ll end this here. Baka ano pa masulat ko dito. Hahahaha! But let me say this again, I am easy to please. So, pls don’t judge. Lol. How about you? What are the things that annoy you the most?

♡ A

​10 things that make me really happy.

Maybe I am a little materialistic when it comes to things that make me happy though not every single thing I have really makes me happy. Gets? 😂 I haven’t think of it lately because of how my emotions had been a rollercoaster ride these past few months. But now, thinking of it, I think I can write at least 10 things that make me really happy. Okay, please don’t judge me. Hahaha.

1. I will start off with anything cute. Cute ball pens, cute notebooks, cute bookmarks, cute paper tapes, cute ponytails, cute hairpins, cute anything. I really like cute stuff but I am not really girly. Lol.

2. For the love of sweets: Chocolate bars, Choco baby, Apollo, candies, wafers, marshmallows, cookies, cotton candy. But, #Fact: I don’t like chocolates with fruits and nuts. For my cotton candy, I always like the pink one.

3. I always need my caffeine to be fixed in my system first thing in the morning. There is a big possibility that my day will go smoothly after that. #Fact: sometimes I get to drink 3 cups of coffee in a day. After I got sick for a month, my doctor forbids me to drink coffee and avoid too much sweets (which is one of the things that make me really happy), that makes me a little sad. Ofc, I didn’t stop drinking coffee and eating sweets after what happened but I just drink/eat it moderately like once na lang ako magcoffee in a day and one bar of hanybar nalang. (masarap ang bawal, di ba?)

4. MY BOOKS. Reading makes me happy. When my mind is in total chaos, I just need a good book to divert myself. And I have this i-don’t-know if I am the only one, but I really love the smell of my books and I always like sniff through the pages first before I read them. Lol. Aside from this blog, reading and at the same time locking myself in my room is my another escape.

5. Aside from sweets, FOOD IS LIFE. You can always bring me to food trips, buffet and eat-all-you-can restaurants, the pleasure will always be mine. Who doesn’t love to eat? Though me and my tummy is happy, my wallet is crying. Hahahahaha!

So the first 5, obviously, are the tangible things where I find happiness from. (or yan lang yung pumasok sa utak ko as of now) I think I am not hard to please, but if you’ve done something wrong to me, it’s really hard for me to forget. But if you say sorry and mean it, I’ll probably forgive you easily. I think that’s one of my weaknesses. So, moving on.

6. I am not good at starting conversation but I really love small talks and deep conversations. And it really makes me happy knowing that someone wants to talk to me even if I am the worst you can talk to. I admit it, I am not good at topics and I always reply with OK or Hahahaha or really not related to the topic until the other person won’t reply anymore. And that’s okay with me because I got used to it. So, if you stayed in our conversation for one hour, then I think you’re pretty special. 😄

7. Sunsets and Rainy days.

8. My heart flutters with pure joy every time a person do little things for me. Like my boyfriend everytime he braids my hair and playing with my hair for me to sleep. Everytime my sister ask me if I would like to have coffee (knowing that I like my coffee in the morning) or when a friend tweets me, or leaves me a private message asking how am I or they just missed me. Something like that.

9. Is it weird that I am happy when I am pissing off or making silly jokes on someone until they become pissed off or mad with me. Lol, but it’s true. Ang epal ko lang.

10. Things I am making in my head. From the plans I am making even though I am not sure if it will happen in the future. I have this weird habit of making sequence of images flashing inside my head, sort of imagining things out of wanting and needing. Just thinking all of it make me  really happy.

That’s it. The first time I tried writing this entry seemed too hard for me, not that I don’t really know myself too well but I find it hard to think of all the things that make me happy when I am not that really happy. Okay, okay, baka saan pa ‘to mapunta. Also, I really hope you get to know me more with this post.

♡ A

note to self

i know that you have so much regrets in the past, and that you can’t go back in time to change any of it. but i just want to say that it’s okay, you are still okay and you’ll be okay. but

i wished you were strong enough that time, strong enough to make your own decisions and not get easily swayed with a single word; that you had the gut to say whatever it is in your heart, whether if it’s right or wrong. i know it has been hard for you to keep all those words to yourself and all those misunderstandings and shortcomings. now, i am saying this to you: don’t be afraid of what others might think or say about you. it’s more important to open yourself up, say what you really want to say, may it be an opinion or an argument and even if others might don’t understand you, at least you have said what you really wanted to say.

i wished you got to experience life more, though there’s more. i know you wanted to please everyone around you before, that’s why you acted upon their approval and forgot to let yourself to had fun. i know it was your choice too but what i am trying to say is, i wished you go out more with your friends, had your sleepover and movie nights. i know you always say no because you always think of what your family would say. you don’t want them to be disappointed, that you only think of was their expectations. but you see, i think what you did was so selfish. you were being selfish on yourself. you never let yourself to live life and you focus more on other’s opinion, but the truth is, you forgot to have your own opinion on yourself. now, i am saying this to you: YOLO: you only live once so make the most out of life. you don’t want to regret all the things that you should have done so start now.

maybe you think that it was too late but it’s not. you have more time in your hands. you are still young, and there’s more adventures and trials yet to come along your way but you’ll be fine, i promise and i believe in you. you just need to open your eyes in all possibilities and just do what makes you happy. also, don’t expect too much — on life in general.

you deserve to live a happy life!

I once had a best friend (and other stories)

I am very jealous, envious rather, when I see my sister and her best friend. I am very opened to them on how I wished to have that kind of friendship but never had a chance or I had a chance but didn’t get a hold of it for a very long time. My sister and her best friend had known each other for eight long years. Would you imagine that? And until now, though Pinky, her best friend’s name, moved to Mindoro and decided to live there for two years after living with us for a long time. I think this will be the first time that those two would be separated from each other.

They are very close up to the point where they share almost everything — clothes, foods, house, (and even boyfriend. Lol — but it is true. Her boyfriend is everyone’s boyfriend. Not that he’s sleeping with everyone, but he acts as a boyfriend to all of us since we already knew each other personally and we lived in the same roof whenever they wanted and I think that’s cute and sweet.) plus she’s cool with that.

I once had a best friend. I met her in second grade, we were in the same class. I remember she’s alone and since our surname starts with letter M, we were in the same line in the seat plan and became close since then. But in our third grade, I transferred school and I felt sad that time because I wasn’t going to see her if I transferred school. I moved to a public school because I think we were financially challenged that time and my mother was working abroad that time, that was the time I experienced to be bullied since I came from a private school. After the bullying incident, and when my grandmother knew about it because my grades went down from the line of 9’s to 7’s, she decided to transfer me back to the private school that I enrolled before and I remember being happy that time; not because I will be free from those kids who bullied me, but I will be able to see my friend again.

Luckily, I was in the same class with my friend J and since then, we became best friends. We graduated, and went to high school together. Soon we entered high school, our friendship started to fade out. Since grade school, we have the same class together. We have the same circle of friends, but when we set foot as a high school-er, things became different. We were no longer in the same class. We met different people and created new circle of friends. We were still close but not that close compared when we were in grade school. That made me sad. Until we graduated high school, little did we notice that our friendship faded out and we didn’t know how it happened.

I had another best friend, but this time it was a boy best friend. I met him in my junior year and through a mutual friend. I never thought that I will be close to him. At first, it was awkward because I felt unsure if he really wanted friendship or more than that. I was not wrong, he attempted to ask me to be his girlfriend but I said no. I reasoned out that I find him comfortable, that I don’t want to lose him, that he’s the only person that time that I trusted the most. And since that confession, we somehow lost our communication. Maybe to find what we really wanted or maybe he was hurt from what I said. But not too long, he talked to me again and said that he was cool being only my best friend. Up until now, we’re still best friends, but we don’t talk that often because of our personal relationships. My boyfriend and her girlfriend were the jealous type, and I totally understand it. What’s important to me is I get to talk to him when I have my problems and same with him.

But, what do you think about that? Being not able to talk casually with your guy best friend (if you were a girl) just because of the girlfriend? This is my say about it: before you had your girl, you knew me first right? So why not talk to me AND YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND FOR GOOD’S SAKE? Where were you when I needed someone to talk to? And to the jealous-type girlfriends of my best friend: It’s not like I’ll snatch him away from you. *eye rolls* HAHAHAHA!

 Am I being selfish here? LOL.

Uhhhh. But now, I am good having my boyfriend as my “best friend”, though he’s not acting like one. LOL. But I am contented having him as my confidante, my endorphin and my breather. ❤

But I’m going to leave this here: So how do we consider someone as a best friend, really? Is it about the time you’ve known each other or even though you just met that person in a short time, the connection was enough? I really want to read your thoughts. 🙂

an anecdote of a girl who never played her dolls

Though I have no vivid images of how my childhood was, I somehow remember some experiences that I had. And like any other kids, I remember having toys and dolls but the difference is, I wasn’t able to play my dolls.

I remember having so many dolls: Barbie? You name it. I have a complete set with houses, wardrobes, and pets. Not just barbies, I also have a life-size kitchen set for kids. Most of it was given to me as a gift on my birthdays & Christmas and the rest was bought by my grandmother. But, I never played them.

I don’t remember who put it in a nice clear plastic and displayed it. The boxes were never opened. But I remember what my grandmother said when I asked if I can play with my dolls: baka masira lang, pag laki mo na. (it might just break, you can play it when you grow up) and since I was just a kid that time, I agreed. Years passed, I never able to play with it until I get in high school. I don’t remember what happened to my dolls, maybe my mother gave it to my cousins I don’t know, and just like that, it disappeared before my eyes.

I said to myself that if ever I will have a daughter, I will buy her dolls and let her play with it whenever she wants. I always wanted to play dolls — like braiding the hair, change her from gowns to dresses, and ofc play my dolls with a friend. I want my daughter to experience what I haven’t. I don’t want her to live like me; no clear images of how my childhood was. I want her to remember every single day of her childhood. I want her to make good memories even if she’s still a kid.

If ever there’s a room with a time machine, I will go back to when I asked my grandmother if I can play with my dolls, and even if she didn’t allow me to play with it, I will sneak out of my room and get my doll from the display and play with it. 😀

PS: I remember playing paper dolls but a real barbie doll was better, right? Hahahaha.

when we’re talking about MY books

I consider my books as my little treasures. That’s why I am so keen when somebody wants to borrow it or even just look at it. And after an incident when a friend borrowed one of my (favorite) books and never returned it, I made this set of rules when somebody wants to borrow my book.

FIRST AND FOREMOST, YOU SHOULD AVAIL MY LIBRARY CARD. LOLjk. If I just can make one, I will. Seriously. Hahaha. Here’s my rules:

  1. You have a maximum of (2) weeks when you want to borrow a book of mine. If you exceeds in my given time, FRIENDSHIP OVER (lol) no, I will make your phone burst with texts and calls until you return my book.
  2. I don’t want any folds and scratch in my book. If I see any scratch or fold, YOU WILL PAY A FINE OF 100 PESOS PER SCRATCH/FOLD (lol) no, but please, I beg of you, I don’t want any folds or any kind of scratch in my book. Use a cute bookmark, then donate it to me when you return my book.
  3. NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER in your whole existence to let others borrow my book without letting me know first, I’LL DEFINITELY CURSE YOUR FATHER IF YOU DO THAT. >:D
  4. PLS TAKE GOOD CARE OF THE COVER AND THE SPINE OF MY BOOK.

I can lend you a book but make sure to abide with my rules. 😀

PS: I AM NOT JOKING WITH THE RULES! ;–)