why on earth am I having these kind of dreams?

Last night I had a hard time sleeping but that’s not even the end of it, I woke up with cold sweat from a crazy dream. I think I already shared some of my (weird)crazy dreams here on my blog, and as much as possible I want to remember all of it (maybe it will be a sign, something like that. Lol) but we have dreams that can be easily forgotten and some of it still remain as it is, clear and vivid.

But last night was different. I don’t know why I have that kind of dream. I remember parts of it but not everything. It’s scary and tiring, gosh, I don’t even know where/how to start.

So from what I remember, I was in a building. I don’t know where it was and it was nighttime. And after walking around, I found myself running. Run, run, run, my head says. I felt out-of-breath but still I ran. And when I turned my head, there are men who were catching me, I am not sure with this part, but it seemed like they were after me because I hold something important that they want to get from me. I ran, without knowing the exit. The worst part is, I was cornered and they were all perverts. Gosh, I still have the chills. And then, I woke up. Crazy, right?

Should I be careful with men around me? There’s a lot of silly ideas coming out in my head. I am afraid to go out, thinking that there’s a stranger waiting for me. Gaaaahd. Or maybe, I will be sexually assaulted, by whom? Pls, don’t judge. But seriously, these thoughts keep on running in my head.

Sometimes the idea of sleeping scares me. Or even just the time when the sun sets, I know that it will be night again. Scared that something will appear in my windows, or I’ll be having another dream. I know, it’s silly but still. I don’t know when it all started—this feeling of uneasiness and anxiety when the night unfolds. Ohhh, I wish I won’t have any bad, crazy dreams again.

Btw, I have a new kitten. He’s so cute and his color is gray. What should I name him? Hmmm.

♡ A

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A dead dream came back to life

So we waited for the arrival of my aunt’s at the airport yesterday afternoon. Dark clouds above us, raindrops waiting its signal to pour, while us standing in a roofless area that was made as a waiting area. Half hour passed after the scheduled time but still no appearance from my aunt. And after 1 1/2 hours of waiting, passengers started to come out from the arrival area.

As we were waiting for my aunt, my mind wandered as the flow of people hugging their loved ones, saying how much they missed each other and kisses here and there, went off to the cabin crews who paved their way out of the exit. Like everything slowed in motion and my eyes twinkled with awe, as they walked with their luggage, tall and chin-up, sophisticated and beautiful – a constant reminder why I dreamt to be one like them when I was still a kid.

I never rode an airplane before nor I have a passport. But the dream of being a cabin crew stayed in my heart though I didn’t pursued a course related to it. I remember imagining things like wearing their uniform and helping the passengers but the flame of that dream once put out and died. And yesterday, I remember all the feeling I had on how much I want to become one. To wear make up and high heels (that I don’t usually do) and walk with my other colleagues with our luggage and talk about the places that we’ve been to.

I set aside my dream of becoming a cabin crew when my grandmother asked me to be a Communication major because she wanted me to my face on television or maybe hear me in the radio which I thought it was a joke that time and ofc, the idea doesn’t come to me not until the day of my application in college. I also remember writing to be a flight stewardess as a dream in my high school year book (and maybe if I will attend my high school reunion in the future they will be shocked that I didn’t became one because they know how eager I am and always tell them that I will become a flight stewardess and that I am sure of that.)

But maybe not everything you want in life will be in your hands. Maybe those dreams were there to push you to your limits for you to give you 100 best shot. But not fulfilling your dream doesn’t make you unpersevering and incomplete. There are many roads to take, and you can go back eveytime you want. You can turn left or right. And the road is long. I must say that my dream became an inspiration to me – I studied hard, make good of myself, and I did all that I can to have a good personality and that’s what’s important, right?

I may not be a cabin crew, but I know that I can be a person that is reliable in my chosen field and ofc, awesome in my own way. I always put in mind that it’s not too late, and I know that someday everything will be on its right place and at the right time. :—)