so what’s keeping me busy last week?

so I haven’t posted anything last week because because… I was busy being lazy—MEH. but but BUT!!!! the whole week has been pretty productive too when it comes to my K-DRAMA list ~haha~ and ~obviously~ chores chores chores.

I finished re-watching the taiwanese drama: it started with a kiss and they kissed again while I download the k-drama called blood starring ahn jae hyun and ku hye sun and another t-drama: fall in love with me but haven’t started it yet. I really really REALLY want to watch while you are sleeping already but it is still on going and I want it to be completed first before I watch it because I really really REALLY hate waiting (lol) but I can’t wait anymore because there are a lot of spoilers on IG and yes I already watched some clips BUT I HOLD M Y S E L F BACK—FOR THE LOVE OF MY BB LEE JONG SUK. <33

another thing that made me busy is my two baskets of laundry and still counting. I. HATE. LAUNDRY. I. HATE. LAUNDRY. I. HATE. DOING. THE. LAUNDRY. unluckily, the washing machine is broken so I need to hand wash all our clothes and my hands are now sore and red and my skin is peeling because of some kind of irritation and I have wounds too. T~T I don’t know if that is because of the detergent or is it just because I am thin-skinned.

oh journals, I almost forgot about it. I am enjoying writing in my journals since the day I started it again because it keeps me sane (should I say that? haha) and it totally clears my head so it helps a lot. I already bought another notebook just in case.

AND LAST, I HAVE THIS APP called lingodeer—an app which help me learn korean. HA! but seriously I decided to self-study the korean language because my brain feels like it is going to rust anytime soon. ofc I chose korean because I am kinda obsessed and addicted to korean dramas lately (LATELY huh??) which I think will be a great help while watching. the app offers chinese and japanese lessons too and you can download an offline learning which I really like so that I can have the lessons even if I have no wi-fi. ok, just sharing. bye! =))

so yea, that’s it. here’s a sort of a little update and just to let you know that I am still alive and kicking.

♡ A

Advertisements

just a thought

yes. sometimes there are things that we get used to but these things can keep us alive or sometimes the other way around. we just need to accept it whether we like it or not; it’s part of life and it is inevitable, right? but I wonder why such things, of all the things that matter, just easily fade away. is it about the timing? or the space that we are in? or both?

I just dont know. I don’t know at all.

but I still believe that there’s a right place for everything. maybe not now or tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. but soon, I am sure. when everything falls into place; without complications, hindrances and other rocks that will block along the way.

the sunday currently | 12 // back to journals and green tea + I have something to share with you

the truth is (1) I am back to journalling since last month. I decided to write again in my notebook because there are certain things that even if I wanted to share it here, guess it is better for me not to. I know this space is for my unfiltered thoughts but sometimes my brain is acting up like a B and betray me with thoughts that I shouldn’t have in the first place. so far, I am enjoying it and it helps me a lot to de-clutter my not-so chaotic mind. ha! and (2) I am choosing tea over coffee right now. I think coffee makes me more sleepless at night and makes me feel bloated (I don’t know if that is the reason why) so the boyfriend bought 2 boxes of green tea and 2 bags of chamomile (which I love, it helps me sleep better) and mint tea (for him).

so here’s the thing: my aunt owns a cat and her cat gave birth to two adorable kittens earlier in the morning, one is black with a spot of white and the other one is pure white. my aunt informed me thru text and jokingly said that I am now a godmother to her kittens. I know she wanted to give me a kitten, knowing that I loss my mimichi. but I have a feeling that I should not take it. ugh. what should I do? what should I do? the kitten is so cute and I think the father cat has a breed so for sure the kittens will grow into a beautiful cat. deep inside I want it but my mind says no I should not.

CURRENTLY

Reading some blogs and I am reading All Our Wrong Todays by Elan Mastai on my phone, sort of a warm-up because I think I am on a reading slump for months now. I am trying to re-read some of my favorite novels but when I am starting to read it, I lost interest after a few pages and I don’t know why. I hate that feeling. I used to finish a book in two days but now I am having a hard time finishing a chapter. W H AT I S W R O N G W I T H M E ? ? I have so many unfinished book, left it halfway and pile it up back to the shelf together with dust but still I hope I can finish All Our Wrong Todays so that I can catch up with my TBR list.

Writing this sunday currently entry. :—)

Listening 

Thinking about how time flies so fast. I T I S N O V E M B E R now!!! I already feeling the christmas air and vibe. ugh, 2017 is going to end but still, the plot twist that I have been waiting for is not yet happening. but even though 2017 has been a rollercoaster ride, I am so much thankful for what’s given to me–life-wise: expectations and failures and experience and learnings.

Hoping that everything will be all right—that my sister will be much mature and more serious about life and relationship, that she learned her lessons and be more responsible for her own decisions and that Qatar will treat her much better than she deserves. though sometimes we have some misunderstandings but I hope she don’t take it to her heart because all I want for her is to be happy and I don’t want her to be trapped in a dark room, blaming herself and full of self-hatred. I know the feeling and I don’t want her to feel that too. I know that she’s much stronger person than me, I know that she can do it.

Wearing a cute pink panda pajama shorts. 😀

Loving my boyfriend. Hahaha because he’s being extra sweet these past few days. I don’t know what raw food he ate but I really like this side of him.

Wanting to buy a camera. really. calling the attention of the parentals!!!!! 

Needing a lot of washi tapes and stationery stuff for my notebook. the good boyfriend bought me a new notebook and a ball point pen with six colors. I really really love it!!!!!! ❤

Feeling contented and happy. 😀

Clicking nothing.

join the sunday currently link-up by siddathornton

***

sunday is my favorite day of the week but two baskets of laundry is waiting for me. so, I think my sunday is a little bit productive, eh? hope y’all have a great and productive sunday too!

♡ A

things I miss but

I think I became another person since I moved here in Pampanga. I don’t know how or when, but it feels like I am living inside another human being that is totally opposite of myself when I was still in Manila. I never go out of the house, mingle with other people or even just attempt to talk with the neighbors—I am not like that before. it was like I built another wall between myself and the outside world, for what? to get away from the people, to mouthfuls of issues and rumors I can’t get hold to anymore or I just want to be with myself—simple as that.

I got used to the feeling of being alone. it feels good to be alone and not to think of others but my brain is contradicting me, betraying me with thoughts I should not welcome. I keep on saying that I should ignore all of it and just live with it but still, it affects me in so many ways. but

I miss having friends. I miss talking to another person face to face. I miss having to catch up with a friend and talk for hours until we ran out of stories to tell. I miss going out with friends—movie nights and food trips. I miss the feeling of comfortable silence and just begin to laugh about nothing. I miss the way we laugh over a corny jokes. I miss everything I have back when I was still in Manila.

but things are different now.

the “three-month” curse

funny that I made up this “three-month curse” five years ago, maybe out of self-denial or the bitterness I had back then or I was just being witty that time–whatever. and right now, I don’t even know how to start this entry. lol.

either you have the feeling or you don’t. – hawk davies, from Daniel Handler’s why we broke up

I had few relationships before—just three actually, and it didn’t last that long. that’s why I came up with the “three-month” curse, thinking that it was given to me when I was still a baby for me to suffer ’til I get old. silly but true, that’s what I thought. let me tell you my story:

I was once a man-hater. from stories I heard from my lola about her love life (lol, though she ended up being single all her life and had all her time taking good care of us but she already passed away two years ago), about her suitors and how courting was like before, there was this notion that stuck in my head that men will only make me suffer and will only bring burdens in my life–that was before. not just that, I also experienced being bothered by a maniac in front of my school when I was in high school in broad daylight, and saw an exhibitionist right in front of my eyes (still gives me the chills, argh) maybe that’s the reason why I distance myself from men before. (not even my father or my lola knew this, I was scared to tell them.)

not until sophomore, a guy noticed me. he was a year ahead of me and I already had an impression of him, being the chic-magnet and he’s kinda popular that time. long story short, he asked my phone number. I actually didn’t give my number to him but he had his own ways. I learned that he asked one of my friends about my number. that’s when it all started. full story here. my relationship with him lasted only for two months and twenty two days, my ever first heartbreak.

after a year, there’s another guy. but this time I had a slow paced getting-to-know-each-other with him. he’s smart, funny and gentleman. it was a good start, I thought. days with him were calm but not ordinary. we knew each other more every single day, from the things we like and dislike to the plans we have in the future. he was full of sense and responsibility. but maybe there’s a reason why we meet a certain person and the reason why I met him was to wash away the hatred I had with my first love and the idea of love itself, and to know myself better. we made plans, his future and my future, of what would I/him like to be after we graduate. I was happy but maybe that time was not our time. (sounds cheesy?) our relationship only lasted for two months. there’s no third party, it was a mutual decision. but he’s the one who first opened the idea. FUTURE–that was his reason and I agreed. I don’t know why it was so easy for me to agree that time but thinking of it, that was the break-up that didn’t hurt me that much–in a good way. maybe because the situation was right(?) but the timing was not and we know in ourselves what we want that time(?) but then again as I always say, things happen for a reason. that was not a bad relationship after all.

oh, and the third one–the shortest but, how do I describe it(?), hmm, the relationship that shattered me into pieces, the most painful of all the relationships I had. it took me five years, FIVE LONG YEARS, for me to move on and forget all the the things that happened. because maybe I expected more in that relationship even though I knew that it was all a mistake. I was so stupid, I thought, but what do you expect? I fell on the trap, no, I fell much deeper than that. (I hope my boyfriend won’t read this. lol. but he already knew this. he knew everything) I even wrote him a letter here. oh my gosh, then I remember Hawk Davies, either you have the feeling or you don’t, I am sure I have all the feelings back then, but to him it was nothing.

we knew each other since high school but he only asked me out when we were in college. I don’t even know what happened or how it happened, things happened so fast that I didn’t had time to keep up. I liked him before, and I liked him even more when we started dating and became a couple. I was happy. I thought that I will be happy but that’s not the case. the time we spent together was year long but our relationship only lasted for almost a week.

after that I think I had a trust issue, or maybe I had it long before my first heartbreak. I didn’t even dated anyone for a long time that all of my friends teased me that if I ever date someone it will only last for only a week or a month. I got used to it that I even joke that I will never have a boyfriend anymore.

not until I met my current boyfriend (another blog entry will do? :D)

that’s the story behind my three-month curse. maybe it was a typical relationship break-up and I know that I have still more to learn but these experiences made me stronger than ever. I knew myself better now and I think I met these people for that reason and somehow thankful for it.

I remember a line from the movie “One More Chance”, i’ll just leave it here:

Hindi ba’t ikaw din ang nagsabi sa akin na kaya tayo iniiwan ng mga taong mahal natin kasi baka may bagong darating na mas okay, na mas mamahalin tayo. Yung taong di tayo sasaktan at paaasahin. Yung nagiisang taong magtatama ng mali sa buhay natin, ng lahat ng mali sa buhay mo.

Awards X4

Okay, okay. I know I am so late for this but thank you so much for all the nominations—ate Thea, Krishel and Melissa.

For the Unique Blogger Award, the rule is to thank the person who nominated you and answer the 3 questions given and in return, I shall ask three questions for my nominees. Also, I need to nominate 8-13 bloggers for this award. While the Versatile and One Lovely Blogger Award, both have the same rules: thank the person who nominated you, share 7 facts about you, nominate 10 bloggers. So for this award, I will give 14 facts about myself. Hahahaha!

For the Mystery Blogger Award 

“Mystery Blogger Award” is an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging; and they do it with so much love and passion. – Okoto Enigma

The rules are as follows:

  1. Put the award logo/image on your blog
  2. List the rules
  3. Thank whoever nominated  you and provide a link to their blog.
  4. Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well
  5.  Tell your readers 3 things about yourself
  6. You have to nominate 10 – 20 people
  7. Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog.
  8. Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question (specify)
  9. Share a link to your best post(s)

Here goes my answers:


14 facts about me: 

  1. I don’t like my name. It is too generic and sounds too girly for me. But I’m glad my friends are too creative to give me a lot of nicknames: patty (there’s a story behind this, gellibeans, gelliace (jellyace), gellibeans, gellibear, lyca, aiks. Name it. Lol. But my family and relatives call me Ica (ay-ka) or Kang.
  2. I don’t know if I am the only one but I don’t like pineapples in my pizza and ketchup in my spaghetti. No, I don’t like ketchup at all, but I am eating tomatoes. Does that makes sense?
  3. My hair used to be supeeeeer long, but being a little bit impulsive, I ran all the way to a salon to cut my hair pixie style and the hairstylist was not sure if I am sure with I am doing or I was just having a dilemma and asked me a couple of times if I am sure if I really want my hair to be cut that short. But at the end, I had my ever first pixie cut. And I never regret doing that. Since then, I really like my hair short.
  4. I have 2 dogs and a kitten. I feel like they are my babies.
  5. You’ll think that I am snob in person but I am not. I am always getting that word, that now I got used to it.
  6. I am in a one year nine month (and counting lol cheesy) relationship.
  7. I really really really hate doing laundry.
  8. I prefer coffee than tea.
  9. My favorite number is 7. I don’t even know why but it happened to be my favorite number since I was a kid.
  10. I never played dolls, except paper dolls.
  11. I am not into street foods. Like isaw, balut, and such.
  12. I hate it when people I talk to stop mid-sentence.
  13. I always wanted to write and make documentaries.
  14. Seriously, I am having a hard time listing random facts about me.

3 Questions from ate Thea

  1. What is your advice for someone who had a friendship break-up? I never been in a friendship break-up. But people come and go, right? It is never easy. I mean, break-up is never easy. Like in any relationships, time is important in the whole process —for us to forgive and to forget and to move forward. What I am trying to say is, you just need to move on, whether it is taking you so long, but don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t take all the blame in your hands because everything happens for a reason. There will be pain, hatred, words left unsaid and words said out of anger, just let it go. Let the pain and all your feelings go, until you no longer feel it. That’s the time you’ll heal yourself. Take that time to forgive, not only them but also yourself. 
  2. Are there any regrets you have? What are those? Maybe the only regret I have is for not trusting myself. I am not that strong before, like I don’t have a say in anything and I don’t have the guts to say something, when I have all the words in mind. I get swayed with just one word, thinking of what others might say/think about me. But more than that, I am contented with all I have and I know that life is a work-in-progress. I am living a good life so far.
  3. What is the most memorable and proudest moment you have in your life? My relationship so far(?) lol. Seriously, this is my first relationship that lasts year long. I have a three-month curse (maybe I’ll write a blog about it. hahaha) I am proud that we’re going two this New Year. Mehehehe. 😀

Five questions from Krishel:

  1. What’s a song that was released on the year that you were born that you really, really like? Boyz II Men’s Water Runs Dry. 
  2. If your life is a novel, what would be the title? shocks, I am not that witty to think of a good title. but maybe if my life will be a novel, it will be a memoir; a collective anecdotes and funny stories. Sorry, I really can’t think of a title. Hahahaha!!! (I’ll update this when I already have one)
  3. What word defines you? Blah—this is so me.
  4. What are small things that instantly puts a smile on your face? Reading a good book, listening to music, and eating.
  5. Weird Question: Let’s say that you are a Customer Care Staff. What would you do when a client who’s very angry at the situation and inadvertently at you seriously told you that he is going to make you eat poop? *eh-kung-pakainin-kita-ng-tae-dyan-sabay-flex-ng-maskels-nyang-nonexistent-anger-levels* I am very sorry sir but your request is not fit in with our situation right now. If you would like I can put you to our supervisor’s line and you can directly talk to her in terms of your need. Thank you, and again, I am very sorry.” or maybe “I am very sorry but I am a human who eat food not poop. If you can eat poop, then eat it with yourself.” drop call. lol

Five Questions from Melissa:

  1. What is your secret guilty pleasure? re-watching Korean dramas to feel all the kilig and pain all over again and watching proposal and wedding videos, thinking that someday I get to experience it too. 
  2. If you could have any ability, what would it be? Teleportation or Invisibility.
  3. What is the one movie you could watch over and over again? A walk to remember.
  4. What is your favorite season – why? Summer.
  5. What is the inspiration/aesthetic behind your blog? I just want a clean and minimalist look and feel on my blog. I hope I achieved that. Hahahaha!

my best posts so far:

one step backward, two steps forward // note to self // there’s something about sunsets

I won’t give questions and nominations for now.

I am really having fun doing tags and awards but I think I should write more entries based on my own words. I feel like most of my entries lately were meh, fillers of some sort. I know, I know that I should write what I really feel and that’s what I am going to do right now. So, I’ll end this entry here. 😀

♡ A

why on earth am I having these kind of dreams?

Last night I had a hard time sleeping but that’s not even the end of it, I woke up with cold sweat from a crazy dream. I think I already shared some of my (weird)crazy dreams here on my blog, and as much as possible I want to remember all of it (maybe it will be a sign, something like that. Lol) but we have dreams that can be easily forgotten and some of it still remain as it is, clear and vivid.

But last night was different. I don’t know why I have that kind of dream. I remember parts of it but not everything. It’s scary and tiring, gosh, I don’t even know where/how to start.

So from what I remember, I was in a building. I don’t know where it was and it was nighttime. And after walking around, I found myself running. Run, run, run, my head says. I felt out-of-breath but still I ran. And when I turned my head, there are men who were catching me, I am not sure with this part, but it seemed like they were after me because I hold something important that they want to get from me. I ran, without knowing the exit. The worst part is, I was cornered and they were all perverts. Gosh, I still have the chills. And then, I woke up. Crazy, right?

Should I be careful with men around me? There’s a lot of silly ideas coming out in my head. I am afraid to go out, thinking that there’s a stranger waiting for me. Gaaaahd. Or maybe, I will be sexually assaulted, by whom? Pls, don’t judge. But seriously, these thoughts keep on running in my head.

Sometimes the idea of sleeping scares me. Or even just the time when the sun sets, I know that it will be night again. Scared that something will appear in my windows, or I’ll be having another dream. I know, it’s silly but still. I don’t know when it all started—this feeling of uneasiness and anxiety when the night unfolds. Ohhh, I wish I won’t have any bad, crazy dreams again.

Btw, I have a new kitten. He’s so cute and his color is gray. What should I name him? Hmmm.

♡ A