A Letter For An Old Love

It has been years – exactly five years, since I felt this familiar feeling where only one person can make me feel this way. Kind of weird actually and for the first time, I am writing about this.

I remember every time his eyes met mine and it was like the stars were watching me with great admiration. Those skin – so soft, I can touch and wrap it around me all day. When you hold my hand like you are scared that when you hold out of it for a second I’ll disappear. And your voice, who the hell on earth will forget the sound of it? That voice who makes me shiver every time you call out my name, that voice that is made for lullabies and the voice that I fell for.

You were everything, as I remember, to me.

Five years, and I remember it all. All the sweetened words you have said to me that made me fool not once but many times. But no, I won’t say a thing about it. I won’t regret being fooled with such words because that, your linguistic skills that every woman fell for, was the thing I loved about you. You made me feel good with your words; it was like a potion – where you created this kind of magic on me that made me believe you easily… and for that, it was also easy for you to break me, not just my heart but my whole being.

I thought you were my dream but I was wrong. You were a nightmare in disguise. And I hate you for that. I hate how you shattered all my fantasies in just a glimpse. I wonder why nightmares were called nightmares as if it was not a dream? When I met you I knew the answer. I knew that there’s a big difference. You gave me the feeling of uneasiness and ineffably discomfort like nightmares do. You also made me cry at night. No one made me cry like you do. How dare you do that to me? I knew you were not my dream. Dreams are like flying through the clouds with rainbows and unicorns. It was not like you, I am sure of that. But nightmares are just another nightmares. I just needed a wake-up call and you gave that. I won’t regret it, too. You were my nightmare, and also my wake-up call. Ironic, uh.

But thank you. You were a great companion, partner-in-crime, and a good experience – I won’t doubt that. I felt everything when I was with you. Happiness, sadness, love, hatred – name it. I am thankful for the memories. I realized that I am not in love with you anymore but I am in love with the memories and to the dream that I made out of you. Now, I can finally say that I moved on. I am freed. I am much ready for that one person that is willing to vanish all the loneliness I felt in that five years. And to you, my old love,Β  I hope you find yourself, too.