whew! I have been in a roller coaster of emotion these past few weeks and I don’t feel myself like I used to. I became distant and unhappy and my mood swings were the worst. I don’t know if it was just the hormones or what but the way i feel about it, I am not liking it.
things are different now – that I know, but I can’t really figure out what’s wrong with me lately. there’s this feeling of neediness which is really not me – in terms of relationships. I used to be brave in facing reality but now I feel so scared, insecure rather, that I kept on telling myself that it is just all in the mind but is not enough. I am trying to be more open and vocal about what I feel but still there’s always a void inside me. I hate this feeling and it’s eating me enough to make me feel not good enough. I know it’s wrong but I can’t deny my feelings all my life. I need a breather, a release from these doubts and insecurity.
another things is, I noticed I crave for little things. is it a bad thing? I can’t remember the last time I feel so giddy and just happy for something. I am talking about my relationship with T. I know that we should keep the fire burning and all, but lately I feel that there’s something missing. maybe we’re just both busy but I just miss those little things.
thank God for giving me my sienna. she’s everything but she growing too fast, too fast she’ll be one on the 2nd of july (wish I could stop time). she really learns fast and that makes me proud haha. I know that babies have their own pace and development. there’s no perfect mothers; I know I am still far from being one and I am still learning, adjusting to this whole new journey and I am loving it. I still want to cherish these little moments while I still can. i know that soon she’ll walk, eat and play on her own but I just want more time to baby her. HAHAHA I think I’ll baby her forever.
featured image: Photo by Pim Chu on Unsplash