funny that I made up this “three-month curse” five years ago, maybe out of self-denial or the bitterness I had back then or I was just being witty that time–whatever. and right now, I don’t even know how to start this entry. lol.
either you have the feeling or you don’t. – hawk davies, from Daniel Handler’s why we broke up
I had few relationships before—just three actually, and it didn’t last that long. that’s why I came up with the “three-month” curse, thinking that it was given to me when I was still a baby for me to suffer ’til I get old. silly but true, that’s what I thought. let me tell you my story:
I was once a man-hater. from stories I heard from my lola about her love life (lol, though she ended up being single all her life and had all her time taking good care of us but she already passed away two years ago), about her suitors and how courting was like before, there was this notion that stuck in my head that men will only make me suffer and will only bring burdens in my life–that was before. not just that, I also experienced being bothered by a maniac in front of my school when I was in high school in broad daylight, and saw an exhibitionist right in front of my eyes (still gives me the chills, argh) maybe that’s the reason why I distance myself from men before. (not even my father or my lola knew this, I was scared to tell them.)
not until sophomore, a guy noticed me. he was a year ahead of me and I already had an impression of him, being the chic-magnet and he’s kinda popular that time. long story short, he asked my phone number. I actually didn’t give my number to him but he had his own ways. I learned that he asked one of my friends about my number. that’s when it all started. full story here. my relationship with him lasted only for two months and twenty two days, my ever first heartbreak.
after a year, there’s another guy. but this time I had a slow paced getting-to-know-each-other with him. he’s smart, funny and gentleman. it was a good start, I thought. days with him were calm but not ordinary. we knew each other more every single day, from the things we like and dislike to the plans we have in the future. he was full of sense and responsibility. but maybe there’s a reason why we meet a certain person and the reason why I met him was to wash away the hatred I had with my first love and the idea of love itself, and to know myself better. we made plans, his future and my future, of what would I/him like to be after we graduate. I was happy but maybe that time was not our time. (sounds cheesy?) our relationship only lasted for two months. there’s no third party, it was a mutual decision. but he’s the one who first opened the idea. FUTURE–that was his reason and I agreed. I don’t know why it was so easy for me to agree that time but thinking of it, that was the break-up that didn’t hurt me that much–in a good way. maybe because the situation was right(?) but the timing was not and we know in ourselves what we want that time(?) but then again as I always say, things happen for a reason. that was not a bad relationship after all.
oh, and the third one–the shortest but, how do I describe it(?), hmm, the relationship that shattered me into pieces, the most painful of all the relationships I had. it took me five years, FIVE LONG YEARS, for me to move on and forget all the the things that happened. because maybe I expected more in that relationship even though I knew that it was all a mistake. I was so stupid, I thought, but what do you expect? I fell on the trap, no, I fell much deeper than that. (I hope my boyfriend won’t read this. lol. but he already knew this. he knew everything) I even wrote him a letter here. oh my gosh, then I remember Hawk Davies, either you have the feeling or you don’t, I am sure I have all the feelings back then, but to him it was nothing.
we knew each other since high school but he only asked me out when we were in college. I don’t even know what happened or how it happened, things happened so fast that I didn’t had time to keep up. I liked him before, and I liked him even more when we started dating and became a couple. I was happy. I thought that I will be happy but that’s not the case. the time we spent together was year long but our relationship only lasted for almost a week.
I think I had a trust issue, or maybe I had it long before my first heartbreak. I didn’t even dated anyone for a long time that all of my friends teased me that if I ever date someone it will only last for only a week or a month. I got used to it that I even joke that I will never have a boyfriend anymore.
not until I met my current boyfriend (another blog entry will do? :D)
that’s the story behind my three-month curse. maybe it was a typical relationship break-up and I know that I have still more to learn but these experiences made me stronger than ever. I knew myself better now and I think I met these people for that reason and somehow thankful for it.
I remember a line from the movie “One More Chance”, i’ll just leave it here:
Hindi ba’t ikaw din ang nagsabi sa akin na kaya tayo iniiwan ng mga taong mahal natin kasi baka may bagong darating na mas okay, na mas mamahalin tayo. Yung taong di tayo sasaktan at paaasahin. Yung nagiisang taong magtatama ng mali sa buhay natin, ng lahat ng mali sa buhay mo.