If I could turn back time

If time machines were real and there’s a door where I can go back to the past, I will gladly open it. And this time, I will never turn back. I am aware that I have closed so many doors in the past and I regretted it – up until now. Maybe one of the reasons why I am like this (sad, maybe depressed) is that I wasn’t able to grab and turn that door knob and open the door. Maybe I was just too scared of what will happen to me at the other side of the door. But that’s the risk, right? The idea of what’s gonna happen and what’s inside the door makes it more inviting but my old self was too afraid of the unknown. And I don’t even have the guts to hold the knob.

I am having a hard time coming back to my feet and I don’t know where to start. I have ideas but I can’t put it in action because I know there’s something lacking. I have all the time in my hands but I haven’t started anything. It was all just plans. Plans that I don’t even know if I can put it to life. Maybe you’re right that I am so down right now. What I am going to do? I need to do something and I don’t even know what it is.

I have a lot in mind lately but I don’t know what to do first. My mind is in a mess and I can’t put all the pieces together and it is so hard. I need to get my acts together before it’s too late. I don’t want to be a 20 something lady who doesn’t know her path. A 20 something who only types her thoughts in front of her laptop. I want them to know that I can live a successful life and no one can say whatever they want to say because there are no words that can hurt me; that no one can drag me down. And I will prove that. Not only to myself but to all the people who say that I can’t.

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